Films, the Imperfect Photographs
it's all in their imperfections #filmisnotdead
I can’t remember the first time I started taking an interest in film photography, but I remember being obsessed with it for a time. There’s something that digital cameras cannot capture: the grain, the colours, that slight blur that exudes a mysterious vibe. I would wonder what stories lie behind those photographs.
I began going back and forth between wanting to get one, and not wanting to because — was it worth the money? I was afraid I would use the camera for only a few months before chucking it aside. The indifference would surely arise when the time comes to send the films for developing. And there really aren’t that many shops here in Singapore developing films anymore. Would I want to travel out of the way to get to a photo shop that does?
My trip to Japan in April changed everything, threw all the hesitation out the window. Everywhere I turned was a living aesthetic, and it was that one moment in the shinkansen, just before the doors closed that I thought to myself, this would look so good on film, even though I was already taking so many photos on my phone. I started to look for film cameras again that night.
After a while, I found I was prepared to spend more than a hundred (Singapore) dollars to get an Olympus Pen EE3. I had done my research. This was it. It had the vintage look I adore, and the photographs that others had taken with it were superb. I would also be able to toggle the ISO speed ratings. It wouldn’t even need batteries to operate! :D
But no, I ended up getting a Kodak Ektar H35, because I was counselled by a concerned parent who brought up the possibility that this hobby would (note that the word ‘might’ was not used) not last. Thinking about it, it did make sense. Not the part that my film photography journey would end abruptly in the near future, but that if this hobby lasts longer than I thought, then maybe, it would justify the decision for getting a better camera.
This video here really helped me with decision-making, and taught me how to use the camera. I also decided to use Ultramax 400 to try things out because of the photos this youtuber managed to capture with it. My favourite thing about this camera is that it’s half-frame. So in the usual roll of film that takes only 36 photos, the Ektar (and Olympus actually) can take 72. In light of how costly a roll of film has become compared to the pre-digital era, this was very much welcome.
If there’s one thing I learnt when I looked through the photographs I’ve taken is how hard it was to gauge the brightness of my surroundings, to know if it’ll come out just right when captured. The thing about the Ektar is it doesn’t allow users to toggle the ISO speed. Now, before anything, I’d like to make a disclaimer. I learnt this on my own, and I’m not entirely sure if the knowledge and my understanding towards these technical terms are correct, but I try my best. I won’t use this chance to educate, only to share my thoughts. Being able to toggle the ISO speed would have been really helpful as I go to areas with differing lighting. I’m not able to do that on the Ektar. But if I had the Olympus, it would be a different story.
These are how the photographs turn out when I’m in a pretty dim and cozy little cafe. But, again, there’s something about the imperfections that make me like these photographs nevertheless.
And so, if you’re someone like me who likes to look at them in all their glory, I’d like to share that I’ve created a new digital zine based on some photos from the first roll of film I’ve finished and developed.
If you’re interested, you may purchase it here. I’ve included some pieces of writing as well, what self-care seems like to me, and the journey I’ve had with it thus far. When I decided to start this hobby, I wanted to use it to capture the experiences I’ve had on my own. It was an effort to help ease the loneliness that dwells inside me, a distraction and a road to self-discovery. Although now I bring it out when I’m with friends too, it’s still there for the same purpose: to capture new or exciting experiences. Through all this, there’s also one thing I’ve found out about nature. Even though I’ve walked past a certain area multiple times, and I think I’ve gotten familiar with it to the point that it has become boring, noticing it will bring about new findings instead, and it becomes something fresh again.
I don’t bring this camera out as much as I would like. If only films are cheaper and photo shops that develop films are easier to find and access. But I was already taking photos on my phone before getting the Ektar, so I would stick with that. The beauty of digital photos is the convenience of it, and I would be a fool not to make use of it when I can. Little did I know, as I embark on this healing journey, I’ve taken photography as a hobby.
Stay hydrated, everyone. Stay safe. Thanks for sticking around. I hope you see beauty in the world around you.
My heart to yours,
Elaine
Even though my mind has prevented me from making digital art because of an art block, art hasn’t really disappeared from my life, and I’m so glad. It’s not digital art, but it’s photography, and watercolours, and oil pastels. It’s been five months since I’ve created an illustration and — finally, I’m back. I have an illustration that’s a work-in-progress. I can’t wait to share it you.